Struggling with words

This weekend, I have had the amazing opportunity to attend and present at the California Association of Teachers of English Conference in San Diego, Ca.  It has been a place of networking, sharing brilliant ideas, asking and answering questions, and most of all: connecting with and feeling a new sense of inspired rejuvenation from being near like minded and passionate educators who are struggling and striving to provide classroom spaces that are meaningful and relevant to student’s lives.

Some of the workshops centered around poetry and giving our students space to authentically engage in spoken and written words. Spaces that allow them to continue struggling for answers, not especially designed to find answers, but to provide space for the struggle. As is normal for me, I have to test the waters of struggling before attempting to challenge my students to struggle, and so my struggle with words and life is below. I can’t wait to post about the rest of the conference and my experience as a presenter, but for now this is where I am and where I’m struggling.  Not sad, not worried that I’ll never find an answer, just here.

Finding a space

Loved. Love. Respected. Respect.

Care for other. Forget Self

Work hard. Go to College.

Be better.

Better than what?

Better than this?

What’s wrong with this?

Amazing parents. Working so hard.

High school graduates and then some.

Hard work. College. To work less. To be better.

To be more.

What’s wrong with this?

So happy. But so much work.

What’s better? College.

Right.

Get out of small town. Go. Better. Bigger.

More Debt.

I don’t understand.

Moving on. Growing up. Pushing away.

I’ll go eventually. Start a family.

Pull back.

Push away. Care for self to care for others.

Forget to forget self.

Selfish.

Bachelors. Masters. Job.

Education is broken.

In five years I will be….

Education is broken.

Breaking my beautiful kids.

…I will be….

I will fix it.

In five years.

19.17.15.

Where did the time go.

My beautiful kids.

Where did my time go?

What will I be?

Who will they be?

In five years.

Hold on.

Don’t let go.

I’m working hard.

You can work hard.

They’re still breaking.

I’ll fix it.

Work hard.

Don’t cry my little loves.

Hold on.

I’ll fix it.

We will make it better.

Together.

Working so hard.

Don’t give up.

Care

Don’t forget

In five years.

Love. Loved.