I went to the college today to try and talk to an adviser, my efforts were to no avail and I must return next Wednesday because they don’t take appointments the day of – bleh. In any case, I scribbled while I sat in the car afterward, and while I don’t usually do this beforehand, I thought I’d share my thoughts. This is me, being crazy, but still me.
I don’t feel anxious until I’ve walked past the library. It’s at that point, in the middle of the quad when I feel the need to run. Where the hipsters and their long boards whiz past in a cloud of American Spirit smoke, headphones dangling. And I try to temper my auto-response because who am I to judge? Wearing blue TOMS shoes, skinny jeans and designer sunglasses, I probably look like I fit in – except for the lack of ear buds and skateboard. I pass conversations carried on by adults who look to be teachers. Conversations in which they are discussing whether success breeds morality or vice-versa. It’s really at that point that my heart swells and my eyes water, and I just want to run way and never look back.
How can I make it in a world of self-absorbed college students and their faculty equivalents? Climbing unending ladders which apparently lead to “success” and “morality”. Stiving to help no one but themselves – numbing their senses with alcohol, nicotine and caffeine; drowning the noise of the real world with dangling ear buds.
Lord give me strength and guidance.
And I have to go back there next week – so maybe a little bit of courage and perseverance?