I went to the college today to try and talk to an adviser, my efforts were to no avail and I must return next Wednesday because they don’t take appointments the day of – bleh. In any case, I scribbled while I sat in the car afterward, and while I don’t usually do this beforehand, I thought I’d share my thoughts. This is me, being crazy, but still me.
I don’t feel anxious until I’ve walked past the library. It’s at that point, in the middle of the quad when I feel the need to run. Where the hipsters and their long boards whiz past in a cloud of American Spirit smoke, headphones dangling. And I try to temper my auto-response because who am I to judge? Wearing blue TOMS shoes, skinny jeans and designer sunglasses, I probably look like I fit in – except for the lack of ear buds and skateboard. I pass conversations carried on by adults who look to be teachers. Conversations in which they are discussing whether success breeds morality or vice-versa. It’s really at that point that my heart swells and my eyes water, and I just want to run way and never look back.
How can I make it in a world of self-absorbed college students and their faculty equivalents? Climbing unending ladders which apparently lead to “success” and “morality”. Stiving to help no one but themselves – numbing their senses with alcohol, nicotine and caffeine; drowning the noise of the real world with dangling ear buds.
Lord give me strength and guidance.
And I have to go back there next week – so maybe a little bit of courage and perseverance?
3 thoughts on “Is it just me?”
I love that you have eyes to see and ears to hear! Be strong and courageous… Stand and be still and know and do not fear…. You are not called to fit into the world, because you aren’t of it:)
Precious Becca….Amy is so wise….you do have the eyes and ears to hear the emptiness of so much academia. I Peter calls Christians “aliens and strangers”….possibly part of your feelings that day was because you belong to another kingdom. Love you and lots of hugs!
Thank you both for your words and love!